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Have You Lost


7 Tips to Get It Back


As Valentines Day approaches many couples yearn for those giddy feelings experienced in the beginning of the relationship and wonder where they went.


Do you love your partner but want to tear your hair out when you attempt to discuss something?


Does it sometimes seem like you're speaking a foreign language (or they are)?


You find you're getting in a fight and you realize you don't know what you're fighting about?


Not to worry----you may just be missing the mark on your communication! Many of the issues in relationships boil down to inappropriate language skills. And it's not just with our partners. People run into the same problems with their kids, on the job, and anyone else they come in contact with. Fortunately, these skills can be easily learned.


What's interesting about our communication is that most of it's out of our awareness. Studies have shown that words comprise only 7% of our communication. Tone of voice is 38% and body language is 55%. So it's no wonder we have so much trouble being understood when we try to do most of our relating through words.


Below are 7 simple tips to help you increase your communication skills immediately.


1.) The meaning of your communication is the response you get!      

If the other person is not "getting it", repeating what you've said or raising your voice won't get the message across any better. It's your responsibility to communicate in such a way that the other person can understand. Therefore, change the way you're communicating!


2.) People like people who are like them.

Become similar to another by matching nonverbal behavior. Adjust your body to match their posture, tilt of head, gestures or curve of the spine. You can match almost any behavior; even breathing and blinking.


3.) Feed them their words.

Listen for words or phrases used repeatedly by the other person. Once you identify them, sprinkle them in your conversation. Your partner will feel like you really "get them".


4.) Stop the inner dialogue.

Instead of fully listening to another, many people start formulating what they are going to say even before the other person has finished speaking.


Stop the inner talk and count to 3 before speaking when you think they're through. This ensures they are finished and allows you to respond to ALL that was said.


5.) Say "I" instead of "you".

In a disagreement, refrain from using the word "you". This sounds too much like blaming. Instead use phrases starting with "I". Be careful of using this in such a way that it still comes across as a criticism, such as "I feel you are doing a lousy job." Instead say something like, "I am concerned with the quality of work we are producing."


6.) Avoid the word "but".

Using "but" negates everything said preceding it. Instead, use a bridge word like "and". For instance, if you say, "I like what you did, but it needs improvement", all they hear is "it needs improvement". Better to say, "I like what you did AND it needs improvement."


7.) Say it the way you want it.

The subconscious mind cannot process a negative. If I say to you, "Don't think of a blue tree", you will have to think of a blue tree in order to process what I said. So tell them how you really want it instead of what you don't want.


Add one of these a day to your communication style and you'll have that lovin' feeling back before you know it!





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